


Chase Me Until I Catch You

by Carleen



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Commander Shepard - Freeform, F/M, Female Shepard - Freeform, James Vega - Freeform, Mass Effect 3, Romance, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-10
Updated: 2013-07-10
Packaged: 2017-12-18 08:49:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/877925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carleen/pseuds/Carleen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The early days of Shepard's incarceration at the Vancouver Alliance HQ, Spaceport and the Normandy. Budding romance between FemShep and James Vega.  Romantically written adult scenes. Not smut. Nice. Scenes of severe injury and bloody wounds</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Angel

LOCATION: Rainy afternoon in January at a City Park in Vancouver, Canada. Alliance HQ and Spaceport

* * *

"Spend all your time waiting

For that second chance,

For a break that would make it okay.

There's always some reason

To feel not good enough,

And it's hard, at the end of the day."

* * *

Winter in Vancouver, meant average temperatures of 34 degrees Fahrenheit. Just warm enough to stop the endless rain from turning to snow or freezing as it puddled and ran down the sides of the streets. Cold enough for the rain to soak his clothes straight through to his bones. The park was a shimmering emerald green and the path where the man and woman were running a soggy tan strip through the grass. The running path circled the park before it meandered up into the low hills beyond.

The man glanced down at his chronometer and up at the lowering clouds, before reluctantly following the woman up the ascending trail. He wore Alliance marine workout clothes. The hood of his jacket was pulled up over his head and his hands were stuffed into his pockets. The woman wore running shorts and a sweatshirt. Her head was bare and her long ponytail swung down behind her as she ran.

He'd been following that ponytail for ten miles now. The rain had started eight miles ago. For a marine, cold, tired and hungry was out of the question. He'd learned to ignore his body's weaknesses in boot camp. So he would never complain about it. If she were cold, tired or hungry, she was showing no sign of it. Maybe a small sign? A granola bar? Sip of water? Something? Instead, she scrambled up the slippery rock outcroppings as if they were stairs. Shoving his hands deeper into his pockets, he doubled his speed to keep up with her. It was his duty to keep her in sight at all times. She was an Alliance detainee and he was her guard.

The marine caught up with her at the summit of the hill. At this point the running path doubled back on itself and headed back down to the park. He found her leaning against some rocks, her back to him and her breath coming in short gasps. He'd known her for three weeks. She'd hardly spoken to him. That wasn't really surprising, she was a full commander in the Alliance Navy, while he was a marine lieutenant. He knew who she was, of course. He'd heard what she'd been through and until this second hadn't seen her express any emotion about the loss of her ship or her incarceration. He stepped closer, she was obviously upset.

"Commander Shepard, is there anything I can do for you?"

She suddenly straightened and dragged a sleeve across her face. "I'm fine! If it's not too much to ask. Can I have a minute?."

"Yes, ma'am," he replied. Turning away to give her some privacy. The difference in their rank and roles created a barrier between them. But there was a genuine desire in him to offer her what comfort he could. If she needed a friend to ease her isolation, he could do that too. He tried and failed to imagine what she must be going through. In the weeks he'd known her not a single member of her crew come to visit.

The hell with it. His mother had raised him to be a gentleman. He walked back to her and used his larger frame to shield her from the rain. It was the least he could do. Maybe it was the only thing he could do. She seemed so alone, though. Maybe he could get her to talk about it.

"Ma'am?"

It was one word too many. She turned on him. "You don't have to call me ma'am. You don't have to salute me or use my rank. In fact, I don't have a rank anymore!" He watched her ball up her fist and aim it at the rock face. Before she made contact he stopped her.

Jerking her hand away with a snarl she almost took a swing at him. This time, with a sudden fear that she might do something crazy, he pulled her hard up against him. They'd taken everything away from her. Everything that mattered. His gut told him there were no words of comfort to offer her. He was just a marine and not a very good one at that. So he hung on to her for the few seconds she allowed it. Then abruptly pushing him away, she started back down the hill.

They made it back to the detention block just before lock down. He watched her disappear into her room without a word and the door to her cell silenced whatever else he might have said.

"LT, I got it. You're off duty. See you in the morning, sir"

Lieutenant James Vega nodded to the Ensign and headed reluctantly back to the barracks. A hot shower warmed him up. Vega absently rubbed his chest, thinking of the odd tingling he felt there when he'd held her. Then, when she'd pushed him away the sudden loss of her body against his.

"Vega, he said aloud, as he dried off. You got no business worrying about her. Stick to your job and remember your place." He tossed the towel in the general direction of the hamper and slid naked into bed. His last thoughts as he fell asleep were of her alone in her cell.

~O~O~O~O~

0700, Commander Shepard's Detention Cell

"Enter." Shepard responded to the chime.

"Good morning, Shepard." The lieutenant walked in with an equipment bag slung over his shoulder. "Uh, not sure if boxing is your thing. But after yesterday...he glanced up to gauge her reaction. If you need to punch something. I have a safer alternative."

"You offering to be my punching bag, Vega?"

He almost missed her words because the crooked smile she'd just flashed lite up the room. He looked toward the window. Had the sun just come back out after three days of rain? Vega looked back her face. What had just happened? It was the first time he'd seen her smile and he intended to see it again.

"Lieutenant Vega?"

"Yes, ma'am!"

"Okay, for starters let's just go with last names. I'm not an officer anymore, so just call me Shepard. Do I have your permission, unless the brass is around, to call you Vega?"

"That's fine, ma'am...Shepard. But I'd rather you called me by my first name."

"You'll have to let me know what that is."

"James. My first name is James."

"Look, James. Before we head to the gym, she paused. I want to thank...she paused again, gazing out the window. It was inappropriate for me to be so emotional yesterday."

"Inappropriate? I may not be the best piece of candy in the piñata, so I maybe need some clarification. Seems to me you have plenty to be..."

That made her laugh. "Never mind, James. Let's head to the gym so you can teach me how to box."

~O~O~O~O~

As he wrapped her hands, in preparation for the boxing gloves, he took the liberty of noticing her indigo blue eyes were red. She must have cried for a while last night. The harsh gym lights bounced off the highlights in her coppery red hair. There was a sprinkling of golden brown freckles across her nose. A sharp need to touch her raced through his body.

"Don't you dare," she warned.

"Hmm...?" Pretending to concentrate on wrapping her hands. Mierda! Get a grip, marine. She can't read your mind. Can she? That's not really how her biotics worked. Was it? What kind of biotics does she actually have...

She interrupted his musings. "Don't you dare say a word about my freckles."

"So, 'Freckles' is out of the question?"

She slammed her hands into the gloves in answer.

"Okay, okay. I get the picture." He replied innocently, wrapping his hands and donning his own gloves.

He politely raised the rope for her to enter the ring.

"So what's the first lesson, James?"

They spent the next two hours practicing basic boxing punches. Once she got the hang of the basic form, he donned boxing pads for her to practice her punches. He watched her allow her anger to flare, as she took out her frustrations on the pads. James was sure his shoulders would be sore as hell by morning.

"So what's next?"

"Well, Red. Let's see what you do know."

He never saw her right foot as it whipped past his head.

He grinned at her, "Okay, so you can kick. Sooner or later you'll have to learn to take a punch."

"Don't call me Red."

"Get through my guard and I'll stop."

A small crowd had now formed around the ring. Someone was kind enough to remind Vega about Shepard's biotic strength.

Shepard knew enough to keep her gloves up, but she went after Vega with her legs. Spinning around, she expected to land a kick to his chest. But he blocked it with his right arm. Then with his left he swung a hook, catching her at the point of her chin. He grabbed for her as she sagged. When she blinked up at him and smiled, James was effectively distracted. Leaning back in his arms for leverage, she scissored her legs and pulled the lieutenant to the mat.

That got a round of applause.

"Am I through your guard yet?"

He watched her from his position on the floor. She sat astride him with her legs tightly wrapped around his hips. Her t-shirt soaked with sweat and giving him a full view of what was underneath. Her sports bra, everything. Vega...this is not for you. Look away.

Her hair had come loose and it hung wild around her face. He found himself captivated by the sparkle of victory in her eyes. The muscles of her arms as she leaned over him, resting on her gloves. She was like a wild creature and yet, she was Commander Shepard. Although she could bounce him off the walls with her biotics. Grinning down at him, she had the look of a teenager. He wanted to hold her and protect her. She'd made it perfectly clear she didn't require protecting.

In answer, Vega flipped her over on her back, pinning her to the mat with his larger and heavier body. He leaned down and whispered against her cheek. "Yeah, Red. You sure as hell are."

* * *

 

 

 

_Spend all your time waiting_  
_For that second chance,_  
_For a break that would make it okay._

_There's always some reason_  
_To feel not good enough,_  
_And it's hard, at the end of the day._

_I need some distraction,_  
_Oh, beautiful release._  
_Memories seep from my veins._

_Let me be empty,_  
_Oh, and weightless,_  
_And maybe I'll find some peace tonight._

_In the arms of the angel,_  
_Fly away from here,_  
_From this dark, cold hotel room,_  
_And the endlessness that you fear._  
_You are pulled from the wreckage,_  
_Of your silent reverie._  
_You're in the arms of the angel,_  
_May you find some comfort here._

_So tired of the straight line,_  
_And everywhere you turn,_  
_There's vultures and thieves at your back._

_The storm keeps on twisting._  
_Keep on building the lies_  
_That you make up for all that you lack._

_It don't make no difference,_  
_Escape one last time._  
_It's easier to believe in this sweet madness,_  
_Oh, this glorious sadness,_  
_That brings me to my knees._

_You're in the arms of the angel,_  
_May you find some comfort here._

"Angel" as written by Sarah Mclachlan, Erik Segerstedt  
Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQ6vDCG-Ybs


	2. Salsa Rojo

 

* * *

 "Gimme your heart make it real

Or else forget about it"

* * *

 

The routine never changed. A sleepless night, followed by breakfast, followed by pacing. The absence of the hum and rhythm of her ship kept her awake. The inactivity kept her from relaxing. It was a common joke that a soldier's life consisted of short bouts of intense danger followed by long periods of intense boredom. The only highlight of her day was the lieutenant who made sure she got to the gym or out for a run. Apparently, he was the only one who cared if she were stuck in here twenty-four hours a day. The lack of outside contact was taking its toll on her. Not even Admiral Anderson visited. Garrus, Tali and Liara. Where were they? Were they well? Shepard wrapped her arms around herself and fought the despair.

She spent much of her time just looking out the window. There was a patch of green on a nearby rooftop. Occasionally, a little girl came out to play and Shepard would watch her until the child was called in. Once, the little girl had waved to her and she had waved back. Shepard waited every day for her to look up again. But she never did. Perhaps her parents had told her to be careful of the criminals who lived next door.

Shepard pounded on her door and very quickly a young Ensign stuck his head in. "What can I do for you, ma'am."

"Where's Vega?"

"He's at the gym. Would you like me to escort you down?"

They entered the gym area and she saw the lieutenant before he did. Vega was in the corner doing pull-ups. A rhythmic beat pounded from a nearby radio. He seemed to be singing along while he exercised. The Ensign nodded his consent and she headed over to him.

Lieutenant Vega was thinking he wished he could drown out the thoughts of a certain redhead. If Carlos Santana's music couldn't distract him, then what would? One thousand pull ups? Two thousand sit-ups? A twenty-mile run? He needed to get her off his mind and keep things in perspective. He gradually realized it wasn't going to happen.

He sensed movement to his right. The very person he was trying not to think of was suddenly standing next to him. He dropped off the bar and slipped his left arm around her waist. Santana's next song was just beginning. The electric guitar wailed, setting the tone for the entire song. Bending her back over his arm he sang to her, the horns and the seductive notes of the guitar filling her with primal rhythms.

"Man, it's a hot one

Like seven inches from the midday sun

Well, I hear you whispering the words that melt everyone

But you stay so cool"

He pulled her up close and began teaching her the basic steps of the Salsa dance. Stepping her forward then pulling her back with him. He locked eyes with her and continued with the next verse.

"My Muñequita

My Spanish Harlem Mona Lisa

You're my reason for reason

The step in my groove, yeah"

He stepped to the side, his hips moving in rhythm, his right hand communicating their direction. She couldn't stop staring into his dark green eyes. Until he began singing again, then she watched his mouth. His baritone voice warmed her.

"And if you said this life ain't good enough

I would give my world to lift you up

I could change my life to better suit your mood

'Cause you're so smooth"

He raised his hand for her to turn under his arm. Vega held her so close that their bodies were moving against each other. "From the beginning," he whispered in her ear. Back and forward, side to side, open, close... he spun her again and pulled her back in. They rocked together, perfectly synched now. She'd never moved this way in her life.

"And it's just like the ocean under to moon

Well that's the same as the emotion that I get from you

You got the kind of lovin' that can be so smooth, yeah

Gimme your heart make it real

Or else forget about it"

She could see a drop of sweat sliding down his neck. I wonder how it tastes? she thought. No, not just taste it. She wanted to sink her teeth into it. What was she doing?

He felt her stiffen. "Don't think, Red. Follow me. Listen.

Well I'll tell you one thing

If you would leave it'd be a crying shame

In every breath and every word I hear your name calling me out

Well out from the barrio you hear my rhythm on your radio

You feel the turning of the world so soft and slow

Turning you round and round"

He whispered the last three lines against her ear and he was rewarded with a shiver.

The song ended and Vega released her, as they remembered they were not alone. From across the gym, a male voice said, "Hey, big shot drug dealer. Aren't you out of your league, dude?"

Shepard watched the lieutenant's face turn to stone. He turned away from her toward the sound of the voice. He knew who it was. A new marine. He'd arrived last week, straight out of boot. With a giant chip on his shoulder and a nasty habit of baiting officers. Someday it would get him killed. But not today.

"Shepard, how about a run?"

"Sounds good, Vega. Let's get out of here."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Carlos Santana, featuring Rob Thomas "Smooth" <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBvBvtZ7EuE>


	3. Don't Cry Alone

 

* * *

 "No, don't you ever doubt me; I'll be there for you forever.

Don't you ever cry I'll sweep away your tears and sorrow

and I'll be with you close tomorrow.

I'll be with you don't cry...alone"

* * *

By unspoken consent they headed toward the park. The rain had finally stopped and it was a clear breezy day. Vega shook off the unpleasantness of the gym. Well, it hadn't all been unpleasant. He could take and give back whatever came his way. But he didn't want her to be embarrassed by what that _gilipollas_ said. Vega made a mental note to deal with that marine later.

Shepard was just glad to be outside breathing the air and listening to her feet pounding the pavement. To her, that sound represented freedom. However, the set of the lieutenant's shoulders and clenched fists was not lost on her. The remark of the young marine was out of line under any circumstances. If she still had her rank, she'd of dressed him down until he was crying for his mommy. Marines teased each other all the time. It was part of their way to reduce and manage stress. It was a tradition. But this was different. Vega was obviously taking it personally.

Shepard stayed close behind, as he headed up the path and into the hills. At this time of the morning, there was no one around. Shepard noted that fact and ran up ahead of him.

"You wanna talk about it, Vega?"

"No. Keep moving."

She planted herself in his path. "I'm in prison awaiting trial for the destruction of the Bahak system and all 300,00 batarian colonists. Top that."

He pulled up directly in front of her. "And, you grew up on the streets of Earth, orphaned and alone. Yet, in spite of your hardships, you attained the heroic status of Commander Shepard. Yeah, man. I know all about it. It's in all the literature. They gave us brochures in Officer's Training..."

"Yeah, that's exactly correct. The difference is, I accepted help and support when it was offered. I had mentors."

"Funny, I don't notice you taking help from anyone. But just for the sake of argument, you're talking about Admiral Anderson?"

"Yes, Admiral Anderson. I was his XO. He mentored me and I took everything he could teach me."

"So what are you offering me, Shepard? You volunteering to be my mentor or what?"

'Or what' hung in the air between them. Shepard felt her feet moving toward him. Vega's arms moved out to touch her.

It was the lieutenant who broke eye contact and turned away from Commander Shepard. In spite of all her losses, she was still taking the time to offer support. She was just a young woman now, stripped of all accomplishments. But her shoulders weren't bowed and she had not admitted defeat. There was a fire in her that both attracted and repelled him.

"Why're you bothering with me? I'm just your guard. I don't even belong here."

"Where do you think you belong, James?" The urge to touch him pulled at her so hard she had to clench her hands together.

"Selling drugs with my father? Making piles of money as his errand boy? Sex and drugs, all day, all the time. Who could resist? But you know all this!"

"No, I don't know it!" Then quietly, she said, placing her hand on his arm. "In case you haven't noticed, no one is inviting me to staff meetings."

Vega covered her hand with his own. "I owe Anderson a lot too. I was sinking into trouble and he pulled me out and got me this job."

She laughed, but the smile didn't reach her eyes. "What? Guarding the infamous Commander Shepard?"

"Don't laugh, Red. It's turning out to be a great assignment."

"Yeah?" she whispered, lacing her fingers through his.

"Yeah, he said, pulling her close and trapping her against his larger body. "Maybe we could dance again sometime?"

Lieutenant Vega's COMM Link signaled and the moment was lost. Hey, Lieutenant. Better get Shepard back here. They're looking for her.

"Acknowledged, we're on our way. Vega, out."

~0~0~0~0~

Another winter storm had moved in from the ocean. Rain pounded against the windows. Lightening flashed, illuminating the woman in the narrow bed. The petite red head was curled into a fetal position. The blankets, long ago, kicked away. In her dream, large warm hands pinned her to the mattress. Hungry lips explored her mouth. She couldn't move. She couldn't say stop. He whispered words she couldn't understand. The hands slid down under her, lifting her body.

The terror of the dream became her loss of control. She never lost control and she never gave it away. Shepard fought to awaken. Until, she pushed with all the strength the dream allowed her and yelled, "Stop!" She awoke with a gasp and pulled the blanket back up over her. The dream lefts its mark on her body with the sensations it left behind. Shepard almost cried aloud with the force of longing echoing through her veins.

The whispered words still played out in the darkness, falling across her bare skin like a cool breeze. She rested her head on her knees and listened to the words. Until, she finally saw those dark green eyes: Red, please don't cry alone...

Erotic dreams about lieutenants were definitely not acceptable. So she spent to rest of the night staring out at the storm and willing her body to silence. Her earliest memories were of the streets and fending for herself. That little girl had grown up much too quickly. As she learned the harsh and unforgettable lessons of relying on no one.

But the memory of the gentle touch of those large strong hands crept in, as she finally drifted to sleep.

* * *

 

 

 

_Don't Cry Alone_

  
_If your heart is breaking I'm yours whatever._  
_I will not forsake you ever, don't cry alone._

  
_Through the autumn rainfalls I'll be your shoulder;_  
_If the winds of love grow colder, don't cry alone._

  
_Surely as the sun sets new suns are rising._  
_As winter herald's spring's horizon, don't cry alone._

  
_Don't you ever doubt me you lead I will follow._  
_Sweep away all pain and sorrow, don't cry alone._  
_No, don't cry alone._

  
_No, don't you ever doubt me; I'll be there for you forever._  
_Don't you ever cry I'll sweep away your tears and sorrow_  
_and I'll be with you close tomorrow._  
_I'll be with you don't cry...alone._

_I'm yours. Don't cry alone._

Don't Cry Alone, Robin Gibb, for the Titanic Requiem, released 26 March 2012.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jY7p1zxBYZI


	4. Who'll Stop the Rain?

 

* * *

"I went down Virginia,

Seekin' shelter from the storm.

Caught up in the fable,

I watched the tower grow.

Five year plans and new deals,

Wrapped in golden chains.

And I wonder, still I wonder

Who'll stop the rain."

* * *

 

"Race you to the top!"

"You're on. Be prepared to loose."

They raced to the top of the path laughing and dodging back and forth trying to block each other from making it to the top first. She almost made it, but the lieutenant grabbed her from behind, lifted her up and swung her around. Her smile, affected him as it always did, by his body responding to her physical presence. The marine held her still with his large hands, a moment longer than normal, and waited for her reaction. Awakened, in the night, from another dream about her, he'd made a decision. He would show her how he felt about her. It was time to test the temprature of that fire.

Instead of resisting she slid her hands up his forearms and looked around. She said quietly, "This is our place. I'll miss it when this all ends...and you. I want you to know how much I appreciate your company."

He tilted her chin up. "You just let me know how and when you want me to be ready to accept that appreciation." He said, with a grin.

"I have nothing to give you...no future...nothing."

"Far from it, Red. You have yourself and we have this moment. I believe in you. I know those Reapers are coming. Let's just take time for ourselves right now."

"You're right. The uncertainty is maddening and so is the fact, that right now, there's not a damn thing I can do about it."

James framed her face with his hands. "I've been waiting a long time for the right moment to kiss you."

As Shepard stepped into the welcoming arms of this man who'd become her friend and her confidant. She noticed a man standing several yards and slightly behind the marine. His dark hair and eyes were familiar. With a sharp gasp, she straight armed the lieutenant and took a few involuntary steps toward the stranger.

"Kaidan?" Then she was running from Vega and throwing her arms around the handsome dark haired man. The lieutenant watched him catch Shepard and return the affectionate hug. They were smiling into each other's face's with the familiarity of two people who knew each other very well. Vega's arms fell to his sides. He tried to shut out what they were saying to each other.

"Kaidan! Where did you come from?"

Laughing, he said, "Been keeping an eye on you. I noticed you jog through here often."

"It's so good to see you. I've been losing my mind here. No word on a trial date, no attorney, no nothing. Where's the Normandy?"

Vega cringed inwardly, always nice to be referred to as "nothing."

Major Alenko called out to Vega, "What's your name, Lieutenant?"

"James Vega, sir."

"Lieutenant Vega can you give two old friends a moment?"

"With respect, Major. You can have as many moments between the thirty minutes we have left until she has to return to her cell and my orders which explicitly state I may not take my eyes off her while she is out of her cell."

Major Alenko deliberately gathered Shepard in his arms and with one hard look at the Vega bent his head to kiss her.

In spite of himself, Vega turned away, as he was painfully reminded of his place in the world. Any desires he might have nurtured about the beautiful redhead, who haunted his dreams, were quenched by that kiss.

The jog back to Alliance HQ was silent. Vega stayed quiet, his jealousy and frustration churning into anger. Shepard, oblivious to Vega's reaction, mused about seeing Major Alenko again. Her thoughts were full of her crew and her ship. When they arrived back her cell, he simply nodded to his relief and turned to leave.

"James, are we still on for poker tonight?" Shepard called out to his retreating back.

"Sorry, Shepard. Got plans tonight."

"James, wait."

But he was gone, disappearing around the corner. Shepard said goodnight to the ensign and slowly withdrew into her cell. Making a mental note to talk to Vega in the morning, she showered and settled in for another restless night.

The next morning turned into early afternoon and still no sign of the lieutenant. Leaning against the window, with her forehead resting on her arm, Shepard watched the little girl playing below.

What had gone wrong yesterday? James had been about to kiss her. Then Kaidan had shown up. In her happiness at seeing him, she'd forgotten about Vega. They'd been about to share something special. He was so much more than just her guard now. How much more? The time they'd spent together had taught her to trust. She'd shared things with him no one else knew about her. Shepard hadn't just let her guard down with him. He'd figured out a way to get under her carefully constructed barriers.

But this time, had she blown it? Well, he would stop by eventually and they would talk about it. No. Guys, she remembered, especially marines, didn't like 'talking thigs out.' She decided to show him just exactly how she felt. So when he finally did walk in she was ready for him. But she stopped in her tracks at his salute and formal greeting.

"Commander."

"You're not supposed to call me that anymore, James."

"Not supposed to salute you either. We gotta go. Defense Committee wants to see you."

"Sounds important. What's going on?"

"Couldn't say. They just told me they needed you now."

To further compound the mystery, Admiral Anderson approached them from the other end of the hallway. Shepard fell in stride with the older man.

Vega let them continue on ahead and found himself stopping next to Major Alenko. Vega called to Shepard as she walked past, "Good luck in there, Shepard." Vega held on to her hand like he didn't want to let it go. His eyes conveyed all he could not say.

Shepard turned away only when Admiral Anderson called to her. Vega watched her walk past the Major without acknowledging him.

"Don't you know the Commander?" he said, without bothering to hide his sarcasm.

"Used to."

As the two men waited for the outcome of the meeting, the tension in the crowd around them increased. People quickened their pace and the quiet talking grew louder. Then suddenly the building shook and one or two windows from the upper floors shattered.

Someone screamed, "The Reapers are here!" Vega and Alenko rushed to the window and watched the descent of two of those horrible insect looking ships. The lieutenant had never seen one before.

"Are those Reaper ships, Major?"

"They sure as hell are. Damn them, why didn't they listen to Shepard? Orders or no orders I'm heading to the Normandy. We'll need to prepare a defensive posture and be ready when the Commander arrives."

"Permission to come with you, sir?" The Lieutenant locked eyes with the Major, daring him to deny his request. Impatiently, Alenko nodded his consent and turned to go. No one knew better than he did how compelling Shepard could be. She made you want to prove yourself and be a better person. As an officer and a soldier she never stopped testing herself. That was a powerful role model for those around her. She was also a beautiful woman and a guy couldn't help but wish, maybe just once, he could soften up the look in those intense blue eyes.

By the time they made it to the Normandy, Admiral Anderson was calling for pick up. Joker got the Normandy within range of the two men and lowered the loading dock. If they didn't hurry, the whole bunch of them would be blown out of the sky. The Normandy's pilot didn't have to think too far ahead to know their destruction would signal the end of Earth's last best chance for survival. Then Anderson called him to move off. With skilled hands, Joker moved the Normandy out of harm's way and into space. He heard a familiar voice over the comm link.

"Hey, Commander."

"Is that you, Joker?"

"We're on our way out of Earth's orbit now. We need to get out of here."

"Make it happen, Joker. Good to hear your voice."

"Yes, ma'am. Welcome aboard."

She found her uniform and gear laying on a nearby workbench. The dog tags Anderson had given her slid over her head. Tracing the familiar outline of the N7 insignia, she called out, "Let's get geared up everyone."

* * *

 

 

 Who'll Stop the Rain?

  
"Long as I remember  
The rain been comin' down.  
Clouds of myst'ry pourin'  
Confusion on the ground.  
Good men through the ages,  
Tried to find the sun;  
And I wonder, still I wonder,  
Who'll stop the rain.

  
I went down Virginia,  
Seekin' shelter from the storm.  
Caught up in the fable,  
I watched the tower grow.  
Five year plans and new deals,  
Wrapped in golden chains.  
And I wonder, still I wonder  
Who'll stop the rain.

  
Heard the singers playin',  
How we cheered for more.  
The crowd had rushed together,  
Tryin' to keep warm.  
Still the rain kept pourin',  
Fallin' on my ears.  
And I wonder, still I wonder  
Who'll stop the rain."

Who'll Stop the Rain? <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5zZKawkcBU>


	5. You Better Start Swimming

 

 

* * *

"Then you better start swimmin'

Or you'll sink like a stone

For the times they are a-changin'"

* * *

Alone in her quarters, she laughed aloud. It was good to be home. The only real home she'd ever known. The vibration of the ship's engine was her old friend. The hum of the life support and other ship's functions sang a familiar song. She stood in the middle of her quarters with her eyes closed allowing those sensations to soak in. The romantic side of her - the side no one knew about - imagined her implants actually responded to these rhythms.

But work also called and she was grateful for it. There was a new message on her terminal and PADDS to review. One of the PADDS contained their formal orders to Mars. Joker had already set a course to the red planet and they would arrive soon. The message consisted of a report from Major Alenko on crew assignments. He'd assigned Lieutenant Vega as Weapons Officer. Vega? He was on board? The remaining PADDS were forgotten as she headed down to the Flight Deck.

As the elevator opened on the flight deck, Shepard remembered over-hearing the Admiral talking to Alenko about heading to the Normandy and that the lieutenant was with him. And there he was. Her heart did a funny sort of un-commander kind of flip flop when she saw him, doing pullups and trading insults with the Normandy's new pilot. She mentally checked the other man's name: "Steve Cortez."

Vega didn't notice her approach. Cortez silently nodded to the commander and decided to let Vega hang himself. Likable enough guy, if a bit cocky. Not that Cortez minded watching that gorgeous man exercise. Now, if he would just keep his mouth shut. But no...

"Hey Esteban! Look who's come down to see us?"

To the commander he said, "Hey. Is there something I can do for you Commander or are you just here for the show?"

"Just checking on my crew, Lieutenant. As for the show - she shrugged her shoulders in a good imitation of Vega - I've already seen it."

Across the room, Cortez managed to choke back his laughter and turned back to his workbench. The rumors were already circulating about those two. Nothing stayed quiet for long on a ship.

Vega's laughter echoed across the bay. "I ordered Major Alenko to bring me with him."

"Good to have you aboard, Lieutenant." Shepard took a quick look around and since no one was watching them, she gave him an impulsive hug.

"Thanks, Red...Commander," he said against the top of her head and pushed her away. "Don't you think you should be saving that for the Major?"

"I don't understand."

"Back there at the park. I saw..."

"You saw what?"

"I saw you two... do I have to spell it out for you man? You obviously..."

"Alenko and I are obviously friends. I was obviously glad to see him and you are obviously jumping to conclusions. Is this what you thought you saw?" She pulled his head down and kissed him soundly. But he held his hands out to the side and when she finally stopped, he stepped back.

"Yeah, Red. That's what I saw..."

"You're wrong, Lieutenant. I saw you turn away. What you didn't see was me saying no. Why? Because I was thinking of you."

"Commander, we are in your world now. You are my CO. Alenko is my direct superior."

"Dammit, James!"

"What do you want me to do? How many fraternization rules shall we break? We've both been in plenty of trouble. I'm not looking to add to the list."

In frustration, Commander Shepard grabbed the lieutenant's dog tags and pulled. "All I'm asking for is for you to finish what you started at the park yesterday. She added urgently, "Do I have to admit how much I've come to rely on you? How glad I am to see you?"

Vega knocked her hands away from his dog tags and grabbed her by the shoulders. He growled, "Maldito seas, Roja. Túsabesque Te amo!" and with his hands under her butt, he swung Shepard up onto his work bench.

Weapon parts clattered to the deck as he jerked her forward. Deliberately spreading her legs so he could stand as close as possible to her. Vega's right hand fisted into her hair and the other slid around her waist. His mouth found her's with the ease of a man who'd thought about this moment many times.

Under his touch, Shepard opened like the flowers that had just begun to bloom at the park. Her hands pulled at him with urgency and he responded by slipping his tongue into her mouth. When she sucked hard on it and moved his hand to her breast, he knew he would take her right here, right now, on this workbench. He'd have to make up for the lack of romance later. Women liked that sort of thing and he liked his women to be happy. But right now he just wanted to be inside her. To take her and join with her in the age old dance of a man and a woman. The fantasy of her red hair, matching the temperature of the heat he would find inside her burned deep in his belly. He pulled her pants down over her hips, his fingers reaching for her. He tore his mouth away from her's. He had to see for himself...

Joker's voiced boomed over the ship's intercom, "Commander, we are entering Mar's orbit. Please advise."

* * *

 

Maldito seas, Roja. Tú sabes que Te amo: Damn you, Red. You know that I love you.

 

 

The Time They Are A-changing

  
"Come gather 'round people  
Wherever you roam  
And admit that the waters  
Around you have grown  
And accept it that soon  
You'll be drenched to the bone  
If your time to you  
Is worth savin'  
Then you better start swimmin'  
Or you'll sink like a stone  
For the times they are a-changin'.

  
Come writers and critics  
Who prophesize with your pen  
And keep your eyes wide  
The chance won't come again  
And don't speak too soon  
For the wheel's still in spin  
And there's no tellin' who  
That it's namin'  
For the loser now  
Will be later to win  
For the times they are a-changin'.

  
Come senators, congressmen  
Please heed the call  
Don't stand in the doorway  
Don't block up the hall  
For he that gets hurt  
Will be he who has stalled  
There's a battle outside  
And it is ragin'  
It'll soon shake your windows  
And rattle your walls  
For the times they are a-changin'.

  
Come mothers and fathers  
Throughout the land  
And don't criticize  
What you can't understand  
Your sons and your daughters  
Are beyond your command  
Your old road is  
Rapidly agin'  
Please get out of the new one  
If you can't lend your hand  
For the times they are a-changin'.

  
The line it is drawn  
The curse it is cast  
The slow one now  
Will later be fast  
As the present now  
Will later be past  
The order is  
Rapidly fadin'  
And the first one now  
Will later be last  
For the times they are a-changin'."

The Time They Are A-changing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1oU7M4OeSRM


	6. Muy Caliente!

 

* * *

"Try to set the night on fire"

* * *

It was good to have Liara T'Soni back on her crew. They'd arrived just in time to rescue her and retrieve the Prothean artifact. If Liara felt the artifact would help construct the device which would defeat the Reaper's invasion, then Shepard was on board with it. They'd stopped Eva Core from getting her hands on the information and that Intel was on its way back to Earth now. The doctor's body was lying in MED Bay. Another victory for the good guys, Shepard thought as wrote up the mission summary. Just one more issue to resolve and he had just walked in her door.

The Normandy's handsome weapons officer walked in, stopping at the top of stairs. "Lieutenant Vega, reporting as ordered."

"At ease, Lieutenant."

Vega decided it was probably not a good idea to be at ease about anything at the moment. So eyes forward he assumed the position of parade rest. As the silence drew out his attention drifted toward the fish tank. One of the eels seemed to be watching him. That damned ugly bastard was baring its teeth at him. Two rows of razor sharp teeth glinting in the light. He'd rather face that eel than the angry fireball in front of him.

"That was quite a stunt, Lieutenant."

 _Here we go._ "Yes, ma'am."

"What were you thinking?"

"That I needed to stop Dr. Core's escape."

"No matter what?"

"No matter what, Commander."

"You endangered your own life and your shipmates. Major Alenko is badly injured and on his way to Huerta Memorial. You damn near caused the destruction of Alliance property. Property, I might add, that at this time of war, might not be easily replaced."

"Yes, ma'am."

"What do you have to say, Lieutenant?"

"Seems obvious, Commander."

"What is, Lieutenant? What am I missing?"

"That I would do anything for you." He averted his eyes from the eel, who had by now drifted harmlessly back to the bottom of the tank, to the dark indigo eyes of his CO.

"James, you're no good to me...dead."

"No worries, man." He replied carelessly.

"Don't joke about it. We have one hell of a job in front of us."

"I know and I'm not joking."

"James... ?"

"Come here, Red." He walked down the steps, his eyes locked with her's.

She ran to him, meeting him halfway, he caught her in his strong arms. His hands spread over her back as he bent his head to kiss her. Their lips met impatiently and with a hunger born of natural attraction and shared danger.

"Yesterday was...amazing. I should probably apologize, he said between kisses. Dammit Red, I don't want to wait any longer," he whispered against her ear. I'm sorry about the damn shuttle. I'm sorry Alenko is injured. I would do anything for you. You know that? If you don't, then let me show you."

The Commander answered by sliding her hands under his T-shirt. Biotically strong, yet utterly feminine and gentle hands swept over the ridges of his abs and pectorals. He sucked in a breath when her fingers brushed his nipples. He reached for her, pulling her toward the bed.

"Wait! You just remember who's in charge here, Lieutenant, she said with a grin."

"Yes ma'am" he whispered. His booted feet taking a better grip on the deck. If she kept touching him like this, he was pretty sure if he wouldn't be able to stay upright much longer. Vega felt his shirt slip over his head and he shivered as the cool air touched his sensitized skin.

He kept his hands at his sides as she explored his torso. How would he ever wear that shirt again without thinking of her hands on him? Then her teeth scrape against his skin and Vega gave up, gave in, lowered his head and closed his eyes. But her red hair was tickling him and the sight of her tongue slipping out to taste the line of his pectoral muscle was his undoing.

"No more interruptions. I want you now!"

"If you insist," she said, with a giggle.

She'd actually giggled. The woman he'd just watched take on elite Cerberus troops like they were no more than target practice. The woman who charged fearlessly into danger to save her asari friend's life, had just giggled.

He tilted her head up so he could look into her face again. "I like the sound of that laugh."

The metal buckle on his bdu pants made a clinking sound as it opened. She discovered a soft patch of hair just below his navel. Apparently, he didn't shave everything.

The large bed, which the Commander had never shared with anyone else, welcomed them as they fell to its surface together. Vega gave in to every fantasy he'd had about her since he first chased that ponytail up the running path. He pulled her hair loose and spread its fire across the pillow. One by one, he released the fasteners of her uniform, until he could pull the shirt away.

"You just stay right there and let me do the work."

He pulled off her boots and then his own. When he moved back over her she welcomed him. But when his hands began to move under her bra she suddenly went very still and her arms crossed over her chest.

"What's up?"

"I...it's been a long long time since I actually got to be something besides a soldier. What if...?"

"What if...what? You worried I might not like what I find?" Vega mentally geared himself way back and gave her just a little space. Not too much though. "You seemed pretty sure of yourself a few minutes ago."

"Yeah, well. I'm good with bravado. Being a soldier is what I know. James, what if I forgot how to be a woman?"

"I don't think that's going to happen, Red. You do want to be here with me, right?" Then cursing his own words, he thought, Vega, you're an idiot. Why did you ask her that stupid question? ¡Dios mío!, what if she really didn't want this...or you?

He didn't want anyone else. In point of fact, he was pretty sure he never wanted anyone else but her, ever again. So her rejection would mean either throwing himself out the cargo hatch or go begging to Esteban for relief. Life as Esteban's novio didn't appeal to him at all. He was pretty sure, he'd be required to express his gratitude to the man...for...like...freaking ever... . And, if anyone of his marine buddies found out he was Cortez's, or anyone else's bottom, he'd be right back to throwing himself out the cargo hatch door.

He was panicking. That's all there was too it. Marines didn't panic.

"Hey. You there. Everything okay?"

Vega blinked, trying to refocus his eyes. He checked back in with the woman lying in his arms. He touched her face. She was really here and not just in his dreams. She smoothed his forehead with cool gentle fingers and he started breathing again.

"Everything is perfect, Shepard. I'll tell you what though. If I feel or see anything that makes me question whether or not you're a woman, I'll let you know right away. Deal?"

She smiled at him. A good sign.

"James?"

"Yeah?"

"My name is Katherine."

"Well, hello..." He kissed her eyes.

"My beautiful..." He kissed her freckled nose.

"Red haired..." he kissed her mouth.

"Sexy woman..." He whispered in her ear, pulling her earlobe into his mouth.

"My Katherine... ."

This time when his hands slipped across her breasts her body arched up to him. The rest of her uniform yielded to his touch and soon she was naked in his arms. Well, he had promised to inspect her for any non-womanly attributes. Where to begin? Shepard made the decision for him by pulling his head down to her's for a kiss. This was as good a place as any to start.

Another part of his brain was still thinking about his fantasy of just how hot a real redhead might be. So while he was kissing her senseless, his left hand was sneaking down over her firm belly. A guy had to be sure about these things, right?

A few minutes later, when she was quivering in his arms, he whispered, "Oye Bonita Catalina. You ready to dance?" She answered him, by pushing him over on his back and sliding on top of him. Okay, yeah. He'd been thinking about this since that first boxing lesson.

He got the real answer to his question when he pushed himself up and deep inside of her. For a long moment, they just held hands and looked into each other's face.

"How're you doing up there beautiful?

"I'm doing pretty good. But I feel like I might just cry or I might scream. Just not sure which."

"Whichever you decide. I got you covered. Bien?"

"Okay. Thanks. What if I feel like I might be falling in love? Never really felt it before...so I could be wrong. Would that be okay, too?"

"Yeah, that would be just fine too. Come on down here for a second."

For the rest of the night he made love to her with his hands and his mouth and she had no more reason to question her femininity or that she was, indeed, his Katherine.

Morning brought the sound of Joker's voice over the COMM Link. "Commander, I think you'd better get down to MED Bay. The fire suppressors just kicked on."

Commander Shepard's eyes popped open.

"Something is on fire down there and I can't locate EDI. Commander?"

* * *

 

bdu: Battle Dress Uniform

 _Oye bonita Catalina_ : Hey pretty Katherine.

 

Light My Fire

  
"You know that it would be untrue  
You know that I would be a liar  
If I was to say to you  
Girl, we couldn't get much higher

  
Come on baby, light my fire  
Come on baby, light my fire  
Try to set the night on fire

  
The time to hesitate is through  
No time to wallow in the mire  
Try now we can only lose  
And our love become a funeral pyre

  
Come on baby, light my fire  
Come on baby, light my fire  
Try to set the night on fire, yeah"

Jim Morrison

Light My Fire: <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6O6x_m4zvFs>


	7. Nothing to Win and Nothing Left to Lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is too short. I needed to kick-start this story back to life. So in a moment of evil creativity I decided to make Kaidan go crazy - evil laughter

* * *

"My hands are tied

my body bruised

she's got me with

nothing to win and

nothing left to lose"

* * *

 

Musing over EDI's makeover, the Normandy's skipper headed back to her quarters only to be reminded of what took place there the night before. The unmade bed, a uniform on the floor, a black bra. There, next to her boots were a set of dog tags. Picking them up she sat down on the end of her bed, running the chain through her fingers. What happened last night was so far out of her experience it almost seemed like it must have happened to someone else. When had he become so important to her? How did she allow him to sneak into her heart? No more waiting for him to rescue her from that cell. All she had to do was reach out for him. The only part of this that did feel familiar was she was back in control of her life. She had her ship and her crew and a purpose. And, he would be here.

She hadn't heard him come in and now he stood at the top of the stairs.

"Came up to get my tags."

"You'll have to work for them. Lieutenant." She said with a grin, dropping the chain over her head. The tags bounced against her chest. The place where last night he'd put his mark on her. He had loved her until she was crying out his name and put nail marks on his back. Vega could still feel her kiss on his lips, the shape of her breasts in his hands and the sound she made when...

Should he tell her Major Alenko was right behind him? That, in just a few seconds that door would open. That the Major had cornered him on the flight deck for a talk. Said he was confident that any relationship between a senior officer and a subordinate would not be a problem on this ship. That he certainly understood how these things could begin under the unique circumstances back on earth. The Major had concluded the talk by welcoming him to the Normandy and the marine's skill set was needed for the success of the mission.

"Commander, I will be happy to discuss this later. Right now, we need to get this room straightened up. As it is, he will still see me here."

"Who will see you here?"

"Ma'am." He began picking up the discarded clothes. He did not want her embarrassed. He smoothed the covers back over the bed and with a frown etching her brow straightened the other side.

"You okay, James?"

"Fine, man."

"I don't understand. Last night, I was Katherine," she said, removing the chain from her neck.

He held his hand out and she dropped them into his palm. "Yeah, well. That was probably a mis… No, Dammit! It wasn't a mistake. Never. Listen to me, Red. I'm here for you always. You know that. We just don't belong... I'm sorry."

At that moment, Kaiden Alenko entered Shepard's quarters. Without acknowledging Shepard, he spoke directly to Vega. "Lieutenant? I thought we had an understanding. What are you doing up here?"

"I asked him to come up."

"You're dismissed, marine."

"Aye sir." Vega turned on his heel and left the room.

Once they were alone, the Commander turned on Alenko. "What did you do?"

"I did my job, Commander. I simply reminded the LT of his place in the chain of command."

"Now, you've come up here to remind me of my place?"

"What do you see in him, Katherine?"

"You may address me as Commander."

"He's not one of us. Can't you see he's just a hoodlum?" Gripping her shoulders with his hands, he pulled her close and whispered into her ear. You and I are the same kind of people, Kat. Go wash him off and I'll show how well we go together."

"Get your hands off me, Major. As I indicated, you may refer to me by my rank. I don't know what goes in that Spec Op Biotic Company or yours, but this is my ship." Her anger flared as she pulled her arms out of his grasp.

What had happened to this man? The look in his eyes was almost frightening. Had his biotics finally taken their toll on his psyche? No one knew better than Commander Shepard, how hard he'd worked to take control of those biotic powers he'd never asked for.

Then, as he reached for her again, she watched his entire demeanor change.

"I love you. I've always loved you. Isn't that why you saved me? So we could be together… I've waited for you to come to me… Kat?"

The commander backed slowly away, until the backs of her thighs bumped against the edge of the desk. Slipping a hand behind her, she keyed a comm link open.

"Kaiden - No, she should keep this professional – Major Alenko, as you well know, decisions made on the field of battle are the most difficult. Do you agree?"

"Of course and I understand. There's something deeper between us. Let me show you…?"

Up on the bridge, Joker responded, not so much to the Major's words but to the fact that the Commander had opened the link. He keyed the MED Bay. "Doctor Chakwas, I think you need to get up to Shepard's quarters. I'm sending EDI with you."

"What's going on, Joker?"

"Major Alenko is in the Commander's quarters. She's opened a link and broadcasting their conversation. She wouldn't do that… Right?"

"On my way, Joker."


	8. You Are My Dream

* * *

 "Where you are, is where I wanna be

And through your eyes, all the things I wanna see

And in the night, you are my dream

You're everything to me"

* * *

 

"Kaidan, can I get you a drink?"

Shepard watched him relax at her offer. However, once they were alone his demeanor changed again, "I don't want a drink, I want you and I think I've waited long enough. I've watched you flirt with Garrus and allow yourself to become involved with that lieutenant. Is ghetto the latest trend in boyfriend? He reached for her again.

Before she could properly weigh out whether and how much to hurt him and just how to do it. Or, defuse the situation with laughter - this really was beginning to be humorous - he'd grabbed her by the hair and forced her over the desk. The model ships rattled in their holders and the hamster squealed. A cold cup of coffee tipped over and Shepard watched its contents spread across her desk.

Until this very moment, she hadn't realized just how much stronger he was than her. He pinned her legs against the hard edge and began fumbling her belt with one hand and pulling her head back with the other. The words of passion he whispered against her neck sounded dirty and her stomach roiled.

This wasn't the Kaiden Alenko she'd known for three years. What had happened to him? While she asked herself these questions and the possibility of whether he might successfully rape her, his weight was suddenly lifted from her. She heard him gurgling in protest. Then Doctor Chakwas was at her side, helping her to stand and straighten her clothes.

Vega rushed out of the elevator. "I saw you two headed up here." He took one look at the scenario: The doctor buttoning up Shepard's uniform and the ashen look on the commander's face. Alenko hanging from EDI's grip on his collar. He went straight for the Major.

"James, don't!" Shepard ordered.

"Lieutenant Vega, I order you to stand down," the doctor added. To EDI she said, "Take him to MED Bay, throw him in the back office and lock the damn door. I'll be down in a second."

Vega complied with the order, but took a long moment to sneer into the Major's face. "Anytime you want it, cabrón. Come see me. We'll work it out, ¡comprendo?"

Then Vega was at her side, arms around her waist. She willingly stepped into him and allowed him to hold her in front of the doctor. She was about as close to tears as she'd had been in a while.

"It's okay, Red. I shouldn't have left you with him."

You'd have been disobeying a direct order. I have enough paperwork now to do for him. She pulled back and said with a smile. I'm fine. Just really surprised."

"We'll there's the paperwork on that shuttle thing…" he said, smiling back. But are you okay? Did he hurt you?"

Shepard placed her hands on the sides of his face and her forehead against his. "I'm okay, now."

Doctor Chakwas noted what was happening and quietly walked out of the room. The door slid shut behind her.

~0~0~0~0~

In MED Bay, EDI had Alenko cornered on a bed.

"Let me go, EDI."

The doctor came striding in, hitting the switch to shutter the windows. "I'll let you know when you can leave. Major Alenko, as Chief Medical Officer, I am officially relieving you of duty."

The Major looked down at his hands. "What happened? Something about the Commander, EDI said. Did I hurt her?" He asked in a small voice.

"No, luckily for you. But you'll have to take all that up with her. You tell me, now, just what in the hell was going on up there?"

His shoulders slumped and when he looked up at the doctor, his eyes were shining in the strong lights of the room. "I don't know, Doctor."

"I know what I saw. You were forcing yourself on her. If we hadn't walked in when we did."

"I did what?"

"Come on, Major. I saw you, EDI saw you, Joker heard you and Lieutenant Vega saw the after effects.

"I don't remember… Can I see her?"

"Certainly not. Now how about you tell me just what the hell is going on with you."

"I don't remember. I spoke to the lieutenant about the fraternization rules. Then I went up to her quarters… I don't remember!"

The doctor noted the tears in his eyes. "Major, come over here. I want to do a scan."

~0~0~0~0~

"You should go, James."

"No."

The lure of his strength drew her to him and she gave herself a moment to rest against his broad shoulders.

"I'm here for you. Don't forget that," he whispered against her hair.

"Maybe we should cool it for a while. Until we find out what's going on with Alenko."

"You care about him. Eh, Red?"

Well of course, I care about him. He's my friend and he's part of my crew."

"I get it."

"No, you don't get it and there you go again."

"Again?"

"Making assumptions about my intentions. I am a Commanding Officer. I'm not just a prisoner. I can't… Dammit!"

" _Te_ amo _…_ I love you. It's just that simple. Last night I was with Katherine the woman. Not the commander, not the CO and not the prisoner. Just you and me."

"No! I could be dead at the end of this! Don't you see the futility? Get out of my quarters. I'm sure you have duties, Lieutenant."

"Didn't you hear me? I love you…"

"No you don't. I won't allow it!"

"Katherine, talk to me like you did all those times we went running in the park. Nothing has changed. Do you need to cry? Do you need to punch something? I'm here: Broad shoulders and strong arms. Whatever you need. I won't walk away."

~0~0~0~0~

What Doctor Chakwas saw on the scans chilled her blood. She was very glad Alenko couldn't see her face. Keying a COMM Link, she called both Garrus and Shepard to her office. When they arrived she ushered them to a private corner away from the Major.

"Commander, we've got a problem. I just completed a scan on the Major."

"How big of a problem?"

"Very bad. He's been implanted. Implanted with a – Dammit! – Cerberus device."

Garrus swiped a hand across his forehead. "I take it you can't remove it?"

"Not without killing him. It's wired into his central nervous system. I haven't told him. I'll leave that decision up to you, Commander. But he's got to remain isolated."

"Agreed, Karin. We can't have him running around the ship or going on missions."

"Commander, there's one more thing. I'm sorry. It's killing him. Slowly. They either just shoved it into him or maybe that's what they intended from the start, But his body is rejecting it. I strongly suspect that's what interfered with is behavior."

"So what you're saying is…"

"...Commander, he may have meant to kill you."

* * *

 

 

  
"Where you are, is where I wanna be  
And through your eyes, all the things I wanna see  
And in the night, you are my dream  
You're everything to me

  
You're the love of my life  
And the breath in my prayers  
Take my hand, lead me there

  
I can't forget the taste of your mouth  
From your lips the heavens pour out  
I can't forget when we are one  
With you alone I am free

  
Every day, every night, you alone  
You're the love of my life  
Every day, every night, you alone,  
You're the love of my life

  
We go dancing in the moonlight  
With the starlight in your eyes  
We go dancing till the sunrise

You and me we're gonna dance, dance, dance"

Carlos Santana & Dave Matthews

<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTAXNtecDMo>


	9. Black Magic Woman

* * *

 "I got a Black Magic Woman

 Yes, I got a Black Magic Woman

 She's got me so blind I can't see;

 But she's a Black Magic Woman and

 she's trying to make a devil out of me"

* * *

"Kill me?"

"Spirits! Doctor, do you hear yourself?" Garrus said. Running a talon across this brow.

The normally imperturbable doctor pushed her hair back from her face. She couldn't hide her emotions. Not this time. No one deserved to die like this.

"How did they get to him?" Shepard wondered aloud. Then it hit her. He'd been unconscious for many days at Huerta. Shepard dropped into the nearest chair and whispered, "Huerta."

"Of course," replied Garrus.

"I'm sorry Commander. It's your call."

"I know… I know… The commander scrubbed a hand over her face. Are you sure, Karin? Are you very sure?" The two women locked eyes, each drawing strength from the other. Shepard is asking the doctor to admit she'd been wrong and everything would be okay. She didn't get her answer.

"I won't send him back to the Citadel. We can control his actions here and take care of him. Dammit… just give me a few minutes with him."

The turian stopped her. "Shepard, if he's a danger to you, he's a danger to this ship and the mission."

"Don't you think I know that, Garrus?"

Asleep, the major appeared innocent and vulnerable. She slipped her hand into his. "Kaiden?"

"Commander!" He struggled to rise.

"Kaiden, stay where you are." She said, pressing his shoulders down to the bed.

"Shepard? The doctor told me what happened. I'm sorry… I don't know what caused me to behave that way. You know I would never hurt you. Never force…"

Attempting to lighten the mood before she lost her composure. She remarked, "Yeah, about that. Turns out you're stronger than I am. That surprised me."

"Well, you're not very big, are you? Just a slip of a… Jesus, Shepard just tell me. Get it over with."

"Doctor Chakwas scanned you. At some point - probably at Huerta - Cerberus planted a device in you…"

"In?"

"They didn't do a very good job." Her eyes were burning again and she clenched her hands into fists to make it stop. She was the strong one. However, this burden might be too much. Too, damn much.

"I'm sorry, Kaiden… I'm sorry…"

"I guess that's why I tried to hurt you... Shepard, an Assassin?"

"That's what the Doc thinks. She may be able to shut it down. We'll get Tali down here too. Your body is rejecting it and there's no way to remove it. You won't survive it."

Then he was comforting her, holding her hands and wiping away a rebellious tear from her cheek. He smiled. She'd always had a weakness for those intense brown eyes and open friendly smile. She couldn't help but smile back. They'd known each other for a long time. Faced many crises together. So if they had no more words to say, it was understood. They would face this battle together too.

"We'll work through this, Katherine. One day at a time. Now, you okay?"

"Yeah, I am now."

"Just like always, right?"

"Just like always. Semper fi."

"Now get out of here and go be the Commander. I promise to stay put. Anyway, I'm interested to hear what Tali has to say."

Commander Shepard squared her shoulders, drew herself erect and marched out of the MED Bay. She kept marching: Through the Mess, passed the Main Battery, Liara's office and the elevator. Flipping open a hatch, she descended a ladder to below decks and didn't stop until she was deep in the bow of the ship. Years ago, when she was the Normandy's XO, Anderson had shown her this spot. He'd told her it was a good place for thinking. She had to agree. This area of the ship had been in the same place on both Normandy's and it was a haven. A haven for a CO who had more emotions churning in her gut than she could reasonably hide from her crew. Sometimes, even when you were a decorated and battle-scarred commander, a girl just needed a good cry. She allowed herself exactly ten minutes.

On the bridge, EDI quietly monitored Shepard's vital signs and kept the commander's location to herself.

Steve Cortez watched Vega punching a bag. The sweat rained off the lieutenant's bare chest and his bloody knuckles left rusty prints on the canvas.

"Chico, put your gloves on," Steve said gently. Offering the tape and gloves to Vega. Wordlessly, Vega held up his hands. As Steve wrapped the younger man's hands, he offered, "You can't always control where your heart goes, James."

No longer interested in what Tali and Doctor Chakwas were discussing, Major Alenko placed his arm over his eyes and thought about what to do with the remainder of his life.

* * *

  

Black Magic Woman

  
"I got a Black Magic Woman.  
Yes, I got a Black Magic Woman,  
She's got me so blind I can't see;  
But she's a Black Magic Woman and  
she's trying to make a devil out of me.

  
Don't turn your back on me, baby.  
Don't turn your back on me, baby.  
Yes, don't turn your back on me, baby,  
Don't mess around with your tricks;  
Don't turn your back on me, baby,  
'cause you might just wake up my magic sticks.

  
You got your spell on me, baby.  
You got your spell on me, baby.  
Yes, you got your spell on me, baby,  
Turnin' my heart into stone;  
I need you so bad,  
Magic Woman I can't leave you alone."

Black Magic Woman, Carlos Santana: <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTbFNsBy73I>


	10. I Shall Return to Life and Sing Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Number 99, from the 101 ways to kill off Kaidan Alenko. 8-)

 

* * *

"I am the shadow of shame,

I am the echo of pain,

the sad solitude that I am left with today.

the reminder that I loved you

and a strange hopelessness"

* * *

Off the duty roster for two weeks, the Major was in his armor and ready for the mission to Tuchanka. He wouldn't let Shepard tell him refuse him this time. Between Tali and Doctor Chakwas, they'd managed to shut the device off and he felt fine. Chakwas told him it would come on gradually, first his sight, and then he would lose feeling in his extremities. Right now, he was ready for duty. He stood at attention next to the Kodiak as the commander walked in, with James, Moridin, and Grunt behind her.

"Not this time, Major."

"With all respect, Commander. I'm fit for duty and you know it."

She stopped in front of him, studying his face. Realistically, she could use all the help she could get to complete the terms of this treaty. By all accounts, there was a mess down there. With getting Mordin to the Shroud probably the easiest task. The encoded message she'd just received from the Dalatrass tied it all up in a neat package. Did that bitch really think she would trick the krogans into believing they'd cured genophage, just to get their candy-ass support? She'd rather have one krogan at her back than any ten salarians. Not that she'd ever say that aloud and, of course, Doctor Solus was the exception.

Looking over at Major Alenko, she thought about sharing the information with him. He had very definite ideas about just how wrong this genophage was. It was the main reason she let him come along. It would do him good to see this catastrophe laid to rest. Wrong choice of words… she flipped her helmet visor closed and leaned back against the seat.

James noticed it and moved a little closer to her. They hadn't really spoken again since their first night together. One mission after another, kept the entire crew either drilling for the next assignment or fighting through another dangerous battle. Everything he'd thought about her back in Vancouver had turned out to be true. She was a force of nature, utterly fearless and an innate leader. What he felt for her now was even stronger than those innocent days back in Canada. It took only a little while aboard the Normandy for him to realize he wasn't the only one who loved her. He wanted more than just to bask in her light. He wanted… What did it really matter? There was more at stake here than his desires. Mission first, Vega, he reminded himself and shaking off those romantic dreams. Time to go to work, he thought, and checked his rifle.

Lieutenant Cortez headed toward the drop zone, where they received word from krogan command that the Reapers had beaten them to the Shroud. Now they had to protect the female, Moridin and get to the Shroud. Perfect. The boarded the krogan convoy and head out to the rendezvous point. They disembarked at the Hollows, still shaking their heads at Shepard's news about the Dalatrass' offer. Tensions ran high.

"When were you planning to tell them, Commander?" Alenko was furious.

"When the time was right, Major. That's when, she snapped.

"You did the right thing, Commander, Eve reassured her. The krogan people will not forget what you've done for us. Urdnot Wrex, nodded his massive scared head, "Your name will be added to our battle songs, Shepard."

A krogan interrupted their discussion. "Commander the road is too damaged. We'll have to find another route."

Through some ruins and an ancient krogan city, they fought their way back to the convoy trucks. Things got interesting when the Thresher Maw showed up. The female krogan and Moridin had come up with a plan to summon the Thresher Maw to the Reaper ship. All they had to do was activate the hammers.

"Let me activate the hammers, Shepard."

"No, Kaiden. I won't let you… I need you to cover me. You and Vega protect our six. This is a one-person job."

Finally, the Shroud was in sight.

"Mordin is the cure ready?"

"Yes. Prepared. Female most helpful. On her way to safety now. Control rooms on top of Shroud tower. Must fix STG sabotage myself."

"Wait, you're going up there?"

"No other way. My project, my work, my cure, my responsibility."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not. Had to be me. Someone else might have got it wrong."

Neither of them noticed Major Alenko slip into the elevator. Until the commander turned with Moridin to walk him toward the entrance.

"Major!"

"I'll make sure he gets up there, Commander."

"I'm giving you a direct order, Mister. Step away."

"You don't know what's up there, Shepard. An escort will ensure his success. We can't fail. Not now"

"Major Alenko… Kaiden. He's not coming back. This is a one-way trip."

"I'm on kind of a one-way mission too. Let me do this, Katherine. Let me help fix this."

She watched Mordin engage the elevator mechanism. The car began its ascent. They disappeared from view.

"Kaiden!"

Alone in the elevator, Major Alenko began to whistle.

"You, a human, know Gilbert and Sullivan?"

He nodded, "Yeah, musical theater is a love of mine. Used to get me beat up pretty regularly, so it's not something I talk about much."

They stepped out into the laboratory. The ceiling was coming down. Kaiden could smell the electronics cooking. "You better hurry, Doc. This console's gonna be a piece of slag in a few minutes."

"Understood. Thought I would die alone here. Glad no longer the case. One, two, three. Completed. There, genophage cure is dispersing now."

"I see it. It's a beautiful sight, Doctor Solus. It's like a miracle." He said, watching from the window. The edges of his vision began to darken as if he were looking down a tunnel. Rubbing his hand across his eyes and reaching for the window frame he could no longer see clearly.

"Certainly not miracle! Modern science at work."

An explosion behind them knocked them both against the console. The salarian assisted the Major back to his feet. The room was filling with smoke. The fires burning the oxygen out of the air.

"How does it go, doc? Remind me."

"I am the very model of a scientist salarian

I've studied species turian, asari and batarian"

Kaiden laughed, he was losing focus on the salarian. Only the general edges of his head were clear to him. "That's not it. It's like this,

I am the very model of a modern Major-General,

I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,

I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical

From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical"

His armor was superheating, burning through the weave. He took one last good breath as Mordin shook his head solemnly. "That's old version. New version more specific,

"I'm quite good at genetics (as a subset of biology)

Because I am an expert, (which I know is a tautology)

My xenoscience studies range from urban to agrarian...

I am the very model of a scientist salarian!"

Lieutenant Vega had to physically move Shepard to get her to move to a safe distance from the tower. It was coming down in pieces all around them. They both watched as the top exploded. The elevator snapped its cable and hurtled to the ground. Then it was quiet. Quiet, like a winter's night as the first snow of the season began to fall. But this wasn't snow, it was life. James and Shepard watched the krogans holding their faces up to the particles falling all around them. Catching it in their hands and allowing it to fall on their tongue.

"The Major was up there, wasn't he?"

"Yes… he wanted to make sure the doc got there safely."

James slid his arm around the commander and pulled her against his side. "Not a bad way to go, Shepard. Doing what you believe in."

"It's the best way to go. Take me home, James. Okay?"

* * *

 

 

Samba Pa Ti

"Soy la sombra de una pena,  
soy el eco de un dolor.  
Triste soledad, que me queda hoy.  
El recuerdo de que te amé  
y una extraña desolación, eyy, eyyy.  
Soy la sombra de una pena,  
soy el eco de un dolor.  
Quiero olvidar, quiero encontrar perdón.  
Ten piedad de mi corazón  
yo te imploro mi Señor.  
Borraré las tinieblas y esconderé mi llanto  
el recuerdo que sufro se volverá un canto.  
Volveré a la vida, volveré a cantar, ya verá,  
volveré a la vida, volveré a cantar, ya verá ."

A Dance for You (English translation)

"I am the shadow of shame,  
I am the echo of pain,  
the sad solitude that I am left with today.  
the reminder that I loved you  
and a strange hopelessness  
I am the shadow of a shame,  
I am the echo of a pain.  
I want to forget, I want to find forgiveness.  
take devotion of my heart  
I beg of you my lord.  
I will erase my gloom and I will hide my sorrows.  
the memories I suffer from will become a song  
I shall return to life, sing again, you'll see  
I shall return to life, sing again, you'll see"

Samba Pa Ti, Carlos Santana and Jose Feliciano: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MpQ4XOO99E&list=PLD222BB0311E42B8A&index=1](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MpQ4XOO99E&list=PLD222BB0311E42B8A&index=1)


	11. Breath of Life

LOCATION: The Battle for Earth / London, England

* * *

 "I was looking for a breath of life

A little touch of heavenly light

But all the choirs in my head sang,

no, no, no"

* * *

Pushing herself to her hands and knees was the hardest thing she'd ever tried to do. The pool of blood she lay in, dripped off what was left of her armor. Looking down at herself, she noticed an abdominal wound adding its own contribution. The steady dripping of the wound hypnotized her for a few seconds. The average human body carried about ten pints of blood. By her estimation, there were eight pints on the ground. If she had just two pints left, then it probably wouldn't take much longer to bleed out. Maybe she should just lay here and watch as 'the last of her life drained away.' Stupid cliché.

Lifting her head turned out to be the second hardest thing she'd ever done. Her ears rang and her eyes were bleary from the heat and soot. But, her soldier training kicked in and she automatically checked for her weapon. There it was, next to her right hand. Good. Oh, no. Not good: The barrel was cracked. Her right hand throbbed to the beat of her heart. She held it up to her face. Broken. She couldn't even make a fist. The soldier took stock of her symptoms: Rapid heart rate, light-headed and dizzy, tingling hands and feet. Which added up to one thing: Blood loss. At least she wasn't nauseated.

"Oh crap," she croaked, as breakfast made its second appearance of the day. She fell to her side. That hurt too.

Outside of her aching body it was quiet and soothing. If, for one goddamn minute, she could turn off her brain, she could close her eyes and rest. All she really needed was to catch her breath. Then she'd reach up and key her COMM Link… Find out about her team… Normandy was safe… Joker never lets her down. Just a moment more and she'd do it. She slid over to her back and looked up at the blue sky... it wasn't the sky... too crowded...

… Archangel removing his helmet… I knew it was you my dearest friend... Shepard and Vakarian back together... Liara on Mars: The asari, looking down that cool blue nose of her's as if to ask, what took you so long to get here? Admiral Tali? Admiral Tali, you've come a long way, little sister... I'm so proud of you. Jacob, Miranda and Jack... Be healed, Jack... Be happy, if you can find a way. Anderson... the closest thing to a father, she'd known. She'd tried to make him proud... tried to live up to his level of excellence... The bar in heaven… A bar in heaven? Well, if Garrus said so; then there must be one. Turian heaven or... didn't matter... She couldn't forget about the bar… cool drink would be good right now. If she were very good, maybe she could see Garrus. He'd tilt his head at her, that way he did and hand her a drink… stylishly, of course. A nice tall one, with lots of ice.

"James…?" For a second she'd seen his eyes. Those eyes of his… Was she talking to him in her head or was someone calling her? Not a bad sight to see in these last moments. She'd really screwed up with him...

Someone was wiping her mouth.

"Leave me alone. I'm having a drink with my friends."

"Sorry, can't do that. Red, you're a mess."

"Charmer."

"You know it."

"You're interfering with my R & R. Don't make me put you on report."

"You go ahead and put me on report. Just as long as you promise, it's every day and for the rest of our lives. He gently wrapped her hand around something soft and secured the arm against her chest. This's gonna hurt. Got to put pressure on that wound before I move you. Ready?"

He was right. She gasped and arched her body. Yeah, it hurt. Took her mind off her hand though. Then someone lifted her off the filthy ground. Strong arms and a place to rest her head. This felt familiar. Better than the dream. Warm and comforting.

"Here we go."

"You savin' my life, Lieutenant?"

"Looks like it."

"Wait! My rifle! Don't leave it there."

"You're kidding. Who gives a shit about that thing? The barrel is cracked."

"It's the one you customized for me. Please don't leave it."

"Red, you're dying in my arms!"

"It'll only take a second… please. I promise not to die."

"Promise?" He asked, as he slung her rifle over his shoulder, renewed his grip on her and started walking toward Field HQ.

"James, I have too much left to do. I almost forgot... Just needed to close my eyes for a minute. I'm good now."

"Tell me about it."

"Well, I was thinking…

He felt her head drop to his shoulder. Her arm swung free. Blood trickled from her mouth.

"Katherine Renée Shepard!"

Her eyes jerked open. "Why do you keep waking me up?"

"Tell me what you're thinking about."

"We could make love again."

"Where?"

"On your workbench?"

"It's a date."

"I… don't look very good right now. We might have to wait…"

"I'll wait forever. Is that long enough for you?"

"I don't think it will take that long…"

One more block. He could see the Alliance flag snapping in the breeze. She was fading again. He could feel it.

"Maybe you could brush your teeth too. Your breath stinks."

"I threw up."

"Yeah, saw that. Don't worry. I'll always hold your head."

"Always hold my head? Huh? What are you talking… about?"

"Morning sickness."

"M- m-morning sickness?"

 _¡Gracias a Dios_!, that got her attention. "Yeah, Red. I'm thinking two boys and two girls."

"Lieutenant, you made me blush…"

~0~0~0~0~

She woke to the feeling of someone brushing her hair. Two people were talking. One sounded like James, the other… she couldn't tell. The woman was explaining something.

"Okay, lieutenant. Pull it forward over her shoulder. Divide the hair in three equal strands. Now, take the outside strand and put it in the middle. Keep tension on the strands. That's it. You're doing it right. Perfect."

"Gracias."

"You're welcome. Not many men would take the time to do that for their girlfriend."

"She's more than my girlfriend. She's... well, she's my sister-in-arms, my best friend and…"

"Then don't let her get away."

"I don't intend to. We've got some talking to do when she wakes up." He nodded to the nurse and she left them alone.

With the sound of James's voice in her ear and the words he'd just spoken, Shepard allowed herself to drift away again.

The next morning, James entered the commander's room and found her awake.

"Lieutenant."

"Hey, Red."

"My crew? Did everyone make it out? My ship?"

"Everything is fine. A few injuries. Everyone, including your ship, made it out."

"Sit down here next to me and tell me what you wanted to talk about."

"Plenty of things have changed. They're still trying to figure out the effects of the Catalyst. Mass Relays are down. They think they can get them working again. Might take years. They just don't know yet. The bottom line is we're all grounded for a while. Good news is they're sending the Normandy back to Vancouver. So we'll all be stationed together."

"Closer, come down here." She tugged his hand.

He sat down on the bed. Fragile and pale looking, it took all his control not to give in to his emotions. He'd found her. She was safe and on the mend That's what mattered.

"Closer." She moved over to make room for him.

Carefully negotiating the I.V. Tubes and monitor wires, he stretched out his large frame on the narrow hospital bed.

"So I've been thinking. Just got my promotion orders for 0-3. That'll mean a raise."

"Grats, Captain Vega."

"Thanks. He grinned and then hurried on with his speech. We'd both be in Vancouver… working together. Seems to me there's no reason we couldn't share… I mean, uh, live together. I'm not saying you'd have to change your name or anything like that."

"Change my name?"

"Yeah, I just think it's important… you know… when there's kids involved. To huh… well, you know."

"Kids? Oh, yes. I remember. You mentioned two boys and two girls."

"I did. Since we'll be grounded for a while. No telling how long. Might be a good time to…"

She turned his face toward her's, "I love you," she said, kissing him gently.

"Yeah man, I love you too. He rolled to his side, sliding his arms around her. That's the first time you ever said that to me. I like the sound of it."

"How about 'yes?' How does that sound?"

* * *

 

  
Breath _of Life_

  
"Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh  
I was looking for a breath of life  
A little touch of heavenly light  
But all the choirs in my head sang,  
No oh oh

 To get a dream of life again  
A little vision of the start at the end  
But all the choirs in my head sang,  
No oh oh

 But I needed one more touch  
Another taste of heavenly rush  
And I believe, I believe it  
So oh oh oh

 Who's side am I on?  
Who's side am I?  
Who's side am I on?  
Who's side am I?  
  
 And the fever began to spread  
From my heart down to my legs  
But the room is so quiet,  
Oh oh oh

 And although I wasn't losing my mind  
It was a chorus so sublime  
But the room was too quiet,  
Oh oh oh

 I was looking for a breath of life  
A little touch of heavenly light  
But all the choirs in my head sang,  
No oh oh

 It's a long way and it's come to claim her  
And I always say,  
We should be together  
I can see the look,  
Because this song has began it  
And if you are gone,  
I will not be long (Be long, be long, be long)

 And I started to hear it again  
But this time it wasn't the end  
And the room is so quiet,  
Oh oh oh

 And my heart is a hollow plane  
For the devil to dance again  
And the room is too quiet

 I was looking for the breath of a life  
A little touch of a heavenly life  
But all the choirs in my head sang  
No, oh oh"

Breath of Life, Florence + The Machine: <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2t-vquuT7k>


End file.
